Peaceful Divorce Solutions
 
                  
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About Children and Divorce
Co-parenting is about parenting together even though you are divorced. It requires special communication skills and a commitment to work together to keep your children out of the middle of your divorce.

Your concerns about your children and your divorce are very important. As parents you will be connected as long as you and your children are alive. Your children will fare far better if you can each learn to be cooperative co-parents. This will also help you move through your divorce easier.

How do children feel when a divorce is being talked about?
  • They are scared by the conflict.
  • They may feel anxious and unsafe.
  • They may feel caught in the middle because they do not want to hurt either of you.
  • If you shed tears, they will shed a thousand more.
  • What hurts them the most is the conflict before, during and after a divorce.
Children need help to weather the stressful, and often traumatic, events that are intrinsic in the breakup of a family. In mediated and collaborative divorces, special attention is paid to the children and the family relationships. 

We highly recommend taking a co parenting class. Often the court will require a divorcing couple to go to Co-Parenting classes. These classes often involve a Part A, Part B, and Part C. We suggest www.WhatisCoparenting.com for parts A and B. We can provide Part C, which is the development of a co-parenting plan that can be submitted to the court.


Do's and Don'ts for Telling Your Children About Your Divorce

DO
  • Tell children as soon as possible after the decision has been made
  • Make sure everyone, including both parents, are present
  • Plan ahead for when and what you will say
  • Be honest
  • Give a simple reason for the divorce
  • Make sure the children know it is not their fault  and hat both parents will continue to love and care for them - Children’s biggest fears are about losing a parent and about being responsible for the divorce.
  • Emphasize that your child will still be part of a family
  • Describe how things will stay the same and what will change
  • Encourage their questions
  • Repeat what you have said more than once.
  • After you have talked to them altogether then talk to each child separately
DON'T
  • Tell them on special days like birthdays or holiday, or days of special events like games or performances
  • Assess blame
  • Give long explanations
  • Tell them at bedtimes, in public places, or when children are withdrawn or you are too emotional to respond to them well
One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
                                                                                                               ....  A Gide

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