A “Fair” Divorce Settlement
As soon as you decide that divorce is a potential reality, immediately your thoughts will turn to your future and fears of your new reality. “I don’t make enough money to live on my own.” Or “How much of my income will I have to give up to support my spouse and the kids?”, or “I’ll be living in poverty!” A world of unknowns reveals itself and all of a sudden, you are expected to navigate the maze on your own. In addition, financial and emotional realities have to be dealt with. Despite the horror stories around vindictive nasty divorces, our experience is that the vast majority of couples truly and sincerely want what’s fair for all involved.
FAIR. The problem here is that every person’s idea of fair is different. Depending on how much emotional wounding may have happened in the marriage, the perception of “fair” may be on two separate mountain peaks. And separating the mountain peaks is a river full of conflict and resentments. This is the simple truth that has created a multi-billion-dollar divorce industry. There is a different answer.
What if you let go of the need for fairness? It sounds crazy but try this on for size. What if each party didn’t worry about what the other person was getting and sat down with a divorce financial planner and simply figured out what they need for themselves to be able to be ok? And then they sit down with a mediator and start from there? Maybe it’s not equal. Maybe it’s not “FAIR”. Maybe it just works! For everyone involved! Now that is a win/win solution!
So, let it go! It doesn’t matter! Focus on the next phase of your life and how you can move on in a healthy happy way that will preserve your family unit for the future. We always tell our clients that our goal is to help you be the best divorced family you can be, because you’re still a family.